We are not in control.
This realization has been one of the most challenging, growing, AMAZING things I have learned through this adoption experience. I’m a type-A, control freak. You know the kind: color coded closet, to-do list maker, things-need-to-be-done-a-certain-way-kinda girl. I love to do my research before coming to a decision. Plain n’ simple, I like to be in control!
As a believer, God is constantly molding me and reminding me that while I like to try to be in control, I know I’m really not. The most freeing thing in the world is when I can truly know in my heart that his way is best. All I can do is bring my desires to him and ultimately say “yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42 (NIV). I trust that my God knows best. I trust that he is for his glory and for our joy. He is sovereign over the sunshine and the rain. And he will use OUR story as he sees fit.
Joe and I had an adoption plan. It went a little something like this. Go through CFC classes and home study to get our adoption certification, get in the matchbook, wait (hopefully only a few months at most!), get chosen by a birth mom and eventually bring home our baby. Well, judging from our track record, our plans don’t always happen the way we anticipate.
A few weeks ago, while facebook messaging with my sister’s friend Kelly (a fellow adoptive mom), I got a message that stopped me in my tracks. It said:
‘STACY!! Can you please call me, I think God is working faster than you can imagine!!!’
I will never forget the way I felt when I made that call. Kelly was talking a million miles a minute and I was desperately trying to make sense of everything. I tried to tame my rampant heart for fear that I may not have heard her correctly.
‘She wants to talk to you about adopting her baby! This is REALLY happening!’
I paced back and forth in my living room feeling much like David after the Dentist. All I could think was ‘is this real life?!’ I had waited for this moment for so long. And it was finally here. I was about to talk to our potential birth mom! I called my mom to tell her what had happened in the last two hours and then the call waiting beeped…
It was her!!!
Eeeeekkk! ‘What am I going to say? Is she going to like me? Oh my goodness, I think I’m going to throw up.’ Those were but a few thoughts going through my head. But it went better than I could have imagined. Our first phone conversation turned into hundreds and hundreds of text messages. Everyday learning something new. Everyday growing more love for this woman. Everyday praying for our precious baby.
This past weekend was one of the most special weekends of my whole life. We flew out to Missouri to meet McKenzi and her girls face to face. Words can’t describe how much joy and love I experienced on this trip. We spent time with her, her girls, the birth father, her mom, step dad and Whitley, the one who got us connected through Kelly. As I sat there in Whitley’s basement laughing with all of them and playing with the kiddos, I couldn’t help but praise the Lord. I thought “this is SO much better than being in control!’.
Baby Kokes is due February 14th, 2013. We couldn’t be more thrilled!